Friday, January 24, 2014

#12 on facing criticism

When I think of the things that my mother didn't teach me while I was growing up, the first to make it to the list is how to handle sour criticism. And for the records, criticism is no stranger to none.

More often than not, the thin red line between appreciation and criticism is obfuscated. And like any other form of art, criticism too demands its share of appreciation.

But is it so easy?

Why is criticism so sour? It is because of the way it arrests our flow. Those who bare their teeth often do so on the weak, who rarely are equipped to bare the sight let alone respond to it. What starts as criticism fast descends to ridicule and derision generating some perverse pleasure for the so called critic.

Sleigh riding on someone else at his/her loss has been an ancient game of the world. This in no way says that everyone puts on the critics’ hat. It is just few who are at large with their lose tongue wanting to celebrate the rainbow while the sun sets upon us (not often).

A constructive editing receives a thumb up but the one with the absence of get up &get going approach certainly zips up the spirit with which a bird begins its day.

The real editor up there chuckles and leaves a deafening silence.

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

#11 smiles

                     The clock ticks and it ticks on its pace. Modern world is no longer walking with time, it is 24x7± racing. And as it races, human life in its transitional phase is going through the constant “sear and yellow leaf” (ref. Macbeth).There are challenges, there are demands. Each wanting from a modern man the result based deadline job done. Period. Spending quality time with family members, investing good loading time in the library or a soft pedaled walk in a less crowded no PDA ( public display of affection) garden, springing for some ‘me time’ becomes a luxury.

Look at this, the entire definition of luxury goes through a paradigm shift.

These days a walk into familiar, unfamiliar places is throwing upon light on strange long standing faces. Each time I offer myself feeling my oats, I come back lost like a ghoul in a seemingly never ending hurricane …Who took away their smiles!!??? What is it that buys them that peace of believing, life loses nothing as one wears those moisturizer? Smile moisturizes struggles,the life in Toto. It warms up others life, in return theirs. The luxury of giving doesn't end in buying materialistic twenty-first century accessories for the receiver. It multiplies, adds on when it dabbles back immeasurable happiness from unaccountable corners.  “What sunshine is to flowers smiles are to humanity.”

Humanity hasn't come to an age where it stands alone,orphaned. It still has a home and the door has to be left ajar.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

# 10 beginning

It is time to nail the end, end of a beginning. A new 365 will be up again the next time weekend weaves its way out in words.

Every beginning has a mosey walk: jellylike, unsteady…yet the joy in taking the walk resounds with cackle. That sums up joy. A beginning baskets trepidation, anticipation and stands on watchful grounds but nevertheless it leaps out cracking its shell.

To remain the coxswain from the alpha to omega becomes the mantra.

There might not be over our face new lights flickering right at a time when the world declares it to be a new day, a new beginning. Numerators change people do not, nor do the linking moments. A journey that begins in warm lap toddles out meandering on two feet. Time plays the mediator between change and events. And we wait. There are times when sorry feeling overwhelms us at the slightest pop of saying goodbye and then again there are times when we wait indefatigably for an end to happen. A monochrome voyage of impermanence in the undulant layers of life stretches out.

 The old escorts the new to its throne. With dead foliages the coming becomes sacred: pristine, puerile, worry jammed, worry free. A yesterday molts ushering today and tomorrow thereafter.

Twenty thirteen thus winds up waiting for a fresh bloom in the pot less than half filled and the rest well, not full; or with space.

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

#9 exile

Most of us love to create little gardens in our ports.Unearthing little plants and giving them a whole new place to expand in a selected area. They are ‘given’ the small pots as their settlements.

Green and brown make a great couple.

When the wanderer in me navigate my way through hosts of heads yearning to catch up with one smiling face, I must share: I return cold more than often. Everybody in an unfamiliar pot is robbed off their state of belongingness. ‘I don’t know you’ becomes the wear of community togetherness. From a distance the drums beat, the conches do not blow…the priest performs his time tabled ritual, Goddess of strength with her children look for it.

Autumn festivals are a great unwinding times bringing under their umbrella a prism of life. But with every move from one ground to another the gregarious creature in us dies a silent oblivion death. Doesn't it knock us all, a vertical ascend lets us lose…it tears into pieces the essential cords which make us a social being. The connection...the entanglements, the share of pranks and laughter,the coming together in pain, in grief gets squashed under the wheel of never at halt city traffic.

Yearning for a home not in a page, but a real mother,father, siblings and furthered home never leaves us alone. 

Our life in exile continues from where it all began. 

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

# 8 season of mist

We all want to tell our stories. Warm, tender, twinkling moments we all want to share. 

When I opened the door this morning, thick mist blanketed the open field that greets me lush green every morning. This morning the open lay had some other share to do. It wanted to conceal, it wanted toplay hide and seek, it wanted to play the lamb. The mist was joyfully all over playing prank.

This is how autumn mist tenderly put her feet on my arid land.

White, moist sky and pasture land just in preferable sync.It is time to get frenzy in festive color. It is the time drum beatings and sticks would reverberate from the thick forests of human habitat. It is the time when most are packing for their bracketed homegoings.

My home in the hills must be raining. It must be cold. It waits for my autumn appearance and each time… I have atrocious narrative as an excuse knocking at the door, convincing those yearning, those waiting arms, “not this time, next year for sure.”

I wait for the next autumn, the “season of mist and mellow fruitfulness” every year. And each year the mist of a make up conceals the shadow underneath my eyes.

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

#7 surprises

Books are never worth bartered treasures. They are worth every sink, every musty smell they leave as age catches up with them. Life breathes in the pages as a butterfly in the wide open.  

 Each of the pages hold rich texture. The blanks between the lines too hold a lot more than the fast racing eyes can catch up with. It gives us space to store our thoughts and images the text helps us to develop.

                                        

In each pages the search for meeting an assumed moment becomes a pulsating process. As the eyes ferrets out through the lines, our mind begins to travel through the similar tracks. There is this uncanny symmetry of peace, of getting carried away, of distancing from the present to the kingdom the book leads us to. It introduces us to new world encompassing,overwhelming, worth every escape.

There are twists and turns too. But who doesn't like surprises? Surprises are everywhere and they never leave without any teaching tips.Surprises make texts and life both worth every wait.

Surprises leave us smiles and tears alike. I am not strong enough to admit that they let us grow, but for sure they let us flow, like a brook that goes on forever.

                                        Aha... "Men may come and men may go
                                                             but I go on forever."

Life goes on filling each pages: flowing, splashing, augmenting.

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Wednesday, November 27, 2013

In Memoriam


A flower plucked too soon...

One long year. My cell phone still has his numbers. There are times they get dialed by chance. I know I shall never get to hear from him. Never. Strong are his family members and an inspiration is his sister. I haven’t met people such as them who are living each day with sheer strength. 



pic courtesy:google
Every time I have felt loss of hope, loss of so many other things which he alone was privy to, I have read, re-read texts written by him, messages, mails sent for keeping alive his words, “ It’s a challenge, take it!” I am now left with those alone and those are my treasures for the journey i must take all by myself to meet him again. A visit to his Facebook page.. no longer frequent. IT PAINS!!

I have lost someone who was watchful enough to see I wasn’t crumbling within, many others he knew would end up saying the same. He had been a true confidant. Everybody’s listener, guide and a one to one at that. 


It has been hard for all of us to accept his absence. It certainly is difficult to stay composed and wish wherever our buddy is to be in peace if that’s what death gifts. But we do.


                              “ If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane,
                               I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.”


~ On one of my best friends’ first death anniversary :the 26th of Nov’2013****************************************************************************

Monday, November 25, 2013

#6 key


If we see the moon coming to its full size, we also get to see it gradually disappearing…Its appearance changes and with it changes the view of all that is visible in the open. Sometimes, there is a need of artificial light to see the street we are on and the other times it’s otherwise.

Alignment of grief, happiness and nothingness bring life to full view.

Such are the ways life poses divided: happy, sad, piece by piece sad and piece by piece (in modern language) “okay”. Each of these orbital phases help us evolve, become humble and receptive/ rejective in more than accepted believable terms. With time we learn to train our emotions. There are times when grief overwhelms our friends and family. We see them break through different layers of sunkenness and we find ourselves positioned in a firmer place: coaxing, coalescing, combating a situation hard for the self to retain the sang froid. But we do it,nevertheless. Just letting them know, “I am here”. It is just “I” that can be offered at a time when the waning period strikes the other. It doesn't establish our detachment but our strong steering ability.

Such moments come to us in bulk. And strange enough for us to believe we need no crash course to upgrade ourselves…the steering ability just happens. 

                                                  

With both the lock and the key in our hands we are an amazing piece of creation. There are times we are hemmed in locking our abilities, our emotion, our nature and there are times we are to flung open the doors.

The key unlocks when the judge in us turns it the way we think is right.


©p.db

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#5 baby pink times

A lot walks to and fro when one sits down to brain out all that our childhood stay put. In its warmth, in its soft breezy fragrant arms the memories of the houses we grow up in, the fingers we held firm while toddling around the larger world breathes fresh. Those talks of the “big people” always kept us curious. What did they talk all the time? Such and more childish questions prowled into our little minds. Any older kid trying to rough us into his/her arms and dishonoured we felt, saying and sometimes murmuring too, “I am big enough now.”

Today when we position big enough, all that we have walked past seem so pleasant. A walk into the houses we grew up in, we breathed our first, the people who wiped our drools and loved to hear us utter the incognizant babbles…Everything, I mean everything seems so dear.


Childhood holds the treasure no treasure box packed with the riches of the world locks. It holds our baby pink times. Times of pure,unquestioned, undefined belongingness.

                                                “till the heart of me weeps to belong
                                 To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside”

To be loved. To be loved unconditionally is what we grow up wanting from life. And lets believe we already have it around us…It is there sitting pretty tight letting us accept, want, glorify our failures our successes, our good and not so good times. And thus we are… taking a walk around the planet earth, overwhelmed, questioning, bookmarking...tagging all that comes and does not with us.

And suddenly the world opens wide...

Monday, November 18, 2013

#4 lump

Since long the clouds have lumped together and are in full sight. They seem to have grown fond of this place. Its dark, its teary, its there hanging high!!! Just staring, guardianing each unique pieces of Creation. They are heavy with promises, thick with hopes.When a month or two back it was blistering and we all had boiled in the agony of light, complain became our constant company. Now it is pouring and pouring quite unknockingly.... The sentient species that we are, we love to puzzle ourselves with ifs and buts, thises and thats. Nothing halcyon excites.
Such is the plight of our mind. The dark and the light seemingly bonded but we choose to look the other side.

I choose to sketch the ear to ear smile all the time. And pass it on to the next. Smiles tear away the woven walls between you and me, between each thread. And let me share with you a secret: the clouds most often drop in the laughter while I  pass in thunder. They are the friends we look for when drops from seas and ocean surge in our eyes. And... we are left never alone.

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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

#3 belles-lettres

“Gormi Jokhon tutlo na aar pakhar haowa Sarbote – thandahote daure elum – Shillong namak porbote” (When the heat of summer could not bemet even with fans and soft drinks, I rushed to the hills of Shillong)

You have been here not ones but thrice! O great bard! Under those pine trees your words blossomed. Clouds here come blanketing fast, pretty fast, just the way your verses pace into the hearts of your readers….pouring life to breezy, hazy thoughts..As I strolled in and out of a rich, fertile piece of plot, the richness of it made me walk opulent of scheming prose. Jeetbhumi* laden with belles-lettres hasn't as yet shown signs of molting when all others around have. It stands somber,emanating pedantry holding the beacon of wisdom. The pine trees still fans the pillars ones which lent its shoulders to the ageless bard. 

Even the alphabets must have had their share of joy in coming together for you...

A hundred bow and a plenty more…

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*Indian Nobel laureate Tagore stayed in this house in Shillong( capital of Meghalaya, India)during his second visit in the year 1921 owned then by his niece, Manisha Debi. 

Monday, October 28, 2013

#2 Flickers


pic courtesy: google
 Not often would we have most known faces flow with us in our dreams, exclusive. Wrapped in rainbow, the arc of each color soothes the sight and we alone ascertain which one to palm in. Not all dreams melt, not many drizzle but most of those many leave the footprints of hope. One moment the flicker( of hope) is visible and the next minute it dissolves into thin air. When flickers walk past we must like little children run after them for those are the moments that will make us rich, rich of life, of spirit, of goodness.

And a good soul doesn't hold on to the richness he/s earns...he/s shares them with all...

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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

What my mother didn’t tell me


                          Growing up isn’t so crotchety when a doting mother takes to hard labor and see her off springs placed a little better than where she has been. Like every other home, there were differences of opinion, of judgments, the weekly “bellows burst” in the home I was born in. But then dinner times we had our share of laughters, our share of sharing the loaf of bread too.

My mother, a meticulous warm cent per cent pure housewife with the strength of a ten armed goddess held up the tent we were sheltered under. She was the door to entrance and exit checking, securing, locking, unlocking all that wanted an access to our layout. Thus most community gossips, society sweet- sour talks never found ways to our ears. There were always these words to guide us: “you mustn’t return home with trouble”. Trouble here meant complains or seeds of it from people we were hanging out with and people who were keeping a tab upon our growing up days. It isn’t easy for girls growing up in India with the kind of mindset spread across. But fortunately I could circumnavigate all the tangy talks. They quite became redundant in my busy life with no room for anything but my own little world with handpicked people to disperse the varied tinctures of emotion. One thing she taught was not to pay much heed to the idle mouth. 
Her words became our gospel.

                "There will always be someone to talk..there will always be someone to spittle loads of discouraging words on you…but you go on, paying no heed."

This pleasant misty world wasn't here forever. The second tenure in an unguided world just opens the door to a sultry clear world. It demands response. It prays for reaction. One’s sweet talk goes through uncountable scans, ifs and buts. Honesty here becomes silent fugitive. One’s politeness is the others’ reign.
Most people outside our mother’s nest would wait, watch and hunt for troublesome moments which bring us a step or two down from where we had been. It’s a world where we are being predated upon. All our education, our degrees fail when it comes to facing real- life challenges. It isn’t warm out there, its skin burning hot! It has very few incubators to pamper us and certainly has no red carpets spread to welcome our niceties, our boisterous belief and Jane Austenian ironed out principles. We are out and out absolutely on our own.
Falling, flipping, fidgeting and picking ourselves up come on a rotation. Each of which teach us the ways and means to be in and out of avalanche in front of us. They make us strong, they make us go- for- it people.
In no way am I saying that my mother failed to teach me, she just did not tell me that there was a dark, dim always challenging one’s wit and patience kind of world out there preying outside her honeycomb.
People in the open enjoy belittling the other. They salivate on fermented tell tale. They take variety as their spice of life far too seriously and those who cannot be a part are made the sitting duck.

My mother did not tell me... there were society scumbags I should prepare myself for. Instead of nurturing a coconut, she jealously guarded a rose from the sun. But that was my mother. Life did not as it does not.

Life is full of storms: fierce or dwarf and so are the giants and demons all over. We just need to armor ourselves with the warmth our mothers have wrapped us with and become seasoned beings if nothing more. Rowing the boat as expected till we are timed-out.


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Monday, October 21, 2013

#1 Frozen Times

eh the last leaf. ( pic courtesy: google)
More than often it so happens that even the best of sights seem unpleasant. Such times are frozen times. Communication snaps, delinking resumes its position. In a frosty snow clad earth the tuft of a live being pulsates. Every beat resonates announcing close to last. 

We avoid speech, we avoid seeing eye to eye, we avoid all possible lanes which lead us to the cacophony in the nests man made. During such stretches… one prefers to remain canned. And yes, on occasions very very rare there is a knocking on the lid that lets us rise up a bit, open the lid, bathe in the sun, soak up the bristles of fresh air left as though only for us.

We let the rays of light touch the coating…peeling off the dim dark us. Those, my friends we preserve for times to come, for us to redeem when again the lid is just about to close down on us.


 Pouring ourselves out to someone who bears it all in those frozen times only ensures we do not fall a trap the second time and lose out on some lovely sunny days. 


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Saturday, September 28, 2013

the road not taken

After a long bit of time I would be sharing something personal from my nest. 

courtesy: google
My husband is a son of a man: an octogenarian, a voracious reader, a man of measured words, a genius some say. He can now partially see things around thus can no longer enjoy reading English texts but manages to read Bangla( Bengali) and loves to move around with the agility of an eight year old kid. I have always seen him as a humble, sensitive being and above all a wonderful husband and a doting father. There have been times I have heard him talk of his days with immense fondness picking each words very very carefully and thanking more than required to for the days he has survived fighting, moving and taking walks in the journey of life. He is just like any average grandpa you might come across while you are out on a stroll. Observing, calculating steps and gently whispering to himself. He loves to go for his regular walks and that he hasn't missed in all the years he has been around, taking a walk on planet earth. Even if the clouds warn of an impending thunderous downpour he’d be adamant on taking his usual walk. This morning he did not go for his regular walks and wasn't showing any sign of desperation. He wasn't in the mood to take the road. Naturally his wife and sister- in- law got little inquisitive because yesterday he reached home carrying a broken umbrella (he is compelled to walk around with) and offered no explanations.On being coaxed for a long period of time, he came out with a confession: he was hit by a fast moving vehicle and thus he isn't considering taking a walk today. He wrapped up the conversation at that.

As a conscious human being too many thoughts crowd my mind. Some would say why let him out, some would ask why not keep the aged people with us (since we are working and living elsewhere)? Too many such questions will pop up. But I have few things to share here: we all will grow old, we would be medically advised to keep ourselves as active as possible and should not let age shell us in. My father- in- law is old. He is feeble. But he has all the right to walk around anywhere he wishes to till the time he can. Can we not have some patience while driving around and letting the aged people live the way they want to unharmed without spurting curses like “why the hell are you out etc”? Do we after a certain period of time come to think of quitting lives ones we retire from our respective careers? This incident has disturbed me and I am sure most of us with our aging parents and aged grand-parents go through similar incidences and they do leave us all disturbed& harrowed. 

Sometimes I feel it is just not about age, it all about display of patience, respect for life.

A patient driving can let someone live a life God wants him/her to live… Can we not be human without being told to be one????

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