3650 days

With the date of wedding anniversary approaching, each day I am left wondering what have I as a person hit and missed from the marriage that society so compels everyone to go through. Good/bad marriages scattered all over and very handful few decide to be on the other side of the fence: watching, wondering, wallowing.

I for one did not cross over anticipating a dreamlike home, all glitter and gold. In plain simple language I did not nurse any hope from this society compelled institution. Marriage was always about convergence of  two individual with varied tastes both in terms of food & reading, distinct method of functioning: organized/un-,  and above all to live with one whole being (while in most cases its more than difficult to house our so many beings inside of us) under one roof!!!That certainly is a big deal. For men, I guess it is adequately different. Going by their flexible nature and with lesser-used heart, men navigate with ease.

For an independent (economic and otherwise) woman it’s a pole transit!

Its about making a space in a new family, a new individual to become habituated to living with; keeping him updated about your whereabouts, your spendings &savings, your preferences and the list… endless.This is how the institution knocks off. And let us for goodness’ sake keep our in laws in a bracket. They are there, they are there: some with magnifying glasses, few more with their inch tapes (respond this way & not more), and rare few with watchful eyes following all that you do and mostly you don’t. Pretty acceptable! Seriously the modern woman needs no training to escape their scrutiny. In India television serials are aplenty with advises and second, third opinions. (If Suhana* has a Utopian family to fall back upon, one has to constantly pinch oneself that all that appears on the screen are deceptive.)

With time we sort of begin to follow the path the new family strolls upon. Wanderlust a tad opposite direction would only mean brewing hostility.

When I put my step forward into the new family… there was this sea difference. I was alone being the wife of a single child. The rest (cousins & the stretchable relationships) were either after each other’s blood or were mouthful with venom, which straightaway promised that a closed club was my lifetime shelter. A passionate journalist who eats drinks sleeps talks sings news, finding everything else beneath his standard to talk or bring to his attention had picked me up as his ‘legal roommate’!

In a decades time I have learnt how to give up my passion. Listening to my favorite artist(s), watching a romcom/ a high drama were a loud “what’s this!!!"mind you,  the don’ts are not exclusive. They stretch on to the visitors too. The reclusive, the news-deep people are our regular visitors. In ten years time I have adapted myself to understanding politics. Earlier like most middle- class family member most politicians were known to me till TV news/radio news were seen or listened to. Discussion with my father on a particular news content stretched to a paragraph or two. Post marriage they became a part of our TV watching, book reading, dinner table, lunch table (every believable spaces one can imagine of) conversation. We did not&continue to not have too many heads to turn around to catch up a decent chat or two. I did make it quite clear I didn’t quite enjoy gossiping about people I knew so the common picks were unfortunately the practitioners of politics.

(pic courtesy: google)

Surviving 3650 days under the common roof is certainly not a child’s play. It’s a game in the chess board, one wrong move and you are checked. With a puckered face the other player cannot continue in the game. He/s has to stay focused. When I say game, it means its fun. Its fun when the other fails to read you and you want him/her to read your silence. Hide and seek, most frequently things go unsought after. Yet you are in the game. Modern houses break for the lack of being in the game. Despite the surrenderings from both parties some couples relentlessly live through the highs and the lows of it. That is the fun. When every morning we rise up with the sun, each wake up becomes a new beginning. A new daybreak opens up new horizons. If  few of my hobbies, my interests, my likings have taken a backseat, I have also developed unusual others.

Yes there have been war of words. The cruel silences followed. The nasty thoughts of breaking the sand house never left us but honestly the next moment something else have put mud on the thoughts. Call it play of fate, the sand house continues to survive the wrath of time.

Can we ever contest the small notes Darwin left for us to pick up the thread from? Well they have stood the tests of time and reasoning...

    Marry-
"Constant companion,
(&friend in old age) who will feel interested in one,—
object to be beloved &played with.—  Home, &someone to take care of
house—My God, it is intolerable to think of spending ones
whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, 
nothing after all.— No, no won’t do.— Imagine living
all one’s day solitarily in smoky dirty London House.—
Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with
good fire, &books & music perhaps— Compare this
vision with the dingy reality of Grt. Marlbro’ St.Marry—Mary—Marry Q.E.D.," 

Ten years and still some more of them...(if it pleases God) .

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* Sasural Genda phool ( a popular television serial)