Monday, September 21, 2009

My head rests

My head rests
On your ocean-deep breast
Stir up not
Your hands on mine
Knit a world woolen
return to this homeland
Oh wanderer!
When seeds garnered.
The guitar mewls silent
Cords left incorrupt
Music curl up on your lips
Let it have a voice
As our lips cloak.
___________________________________________________________________ (p.b)

mist





Earth hasn’t clayed
A maternal visit, pending.
It hasn’t poured…
Love
body lay uncarpeted
wrinkles tentacle
all over. The fort thus winds down,
Breeding age-old pain
spurting blood into a lifeless soil
The cropland left ungrazed
tiller leaves
spilling his daylong sweat
Dust clouds on the endless route
The village thus sinks in the coat of an unflavored mist.
________________________________________________-
(p.b)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

in your eyes


in your eyes
the range of desert seen
footprints
abbreviating
drops of brume wait
in hiding
on the corners
hope
of an oasis
unveiled.

_______________________________________-

Saturday, July 25, 2009

piercing eyes

Sinned
we must have
a hundredth time

For today

Our heads
hang high
daddied in the arms of trial and error.

Solemn, piercing eyes
no longer bowl dream
our feet ground now

In bushy neck of the woods

Clipped off pinions
no longer play with the wind
the smiles curled up somewhere

Posterity shifted out
at the ring of the bell
untold scene spell.

Its just the rapier passage
Connecting me to a smog-veiled sky,
emotion no longer invested.
______________________________________________



Wednesday, July 15, 2009

one spell


Cherra dries her hair
in the mist cover tillage
nippy wind waves past
almost tearing apart
the meat of your ears, exposed.
your feet stay afloat in the cotton cloud.
inundated Bangladesh flags from across
rains beat out the toweled thought.

Gujarat shrubs armspread eye above
in the unliquored state
whirling warm wind
strands of hay whiff out
dust eclipse your way.
One spell

and the dry well of tears
surfacebrim
lashes rhythmically flutter
lips lacerate s
sky and earth arm clasped rejoice
a split
none wish to make a choice.
_________________________

Friday, July 10, 2009

a dusky eve


The sweet wind of the monsoon laced dusky eve
the falling sun shading the leave
candlenight romance
breeds
Smile
no longer is dry.
_________

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Preamble

over a cup of coffee
thick…piping hot
up to the brim
the liquid strolled
lips cut in two, teeth made public
tongue stir
Graffiti in the tee
scribbling in the paper napkin
preamble cackles
your long finger inspirit,
an otherwise dopey restaurant
juices up to life.

Days, those have left long ago 
swabbed in your finger tip.
______________________________________

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Desert stretch

86.80% she scored in her PTC final exam( Primary Teachers' Training College), 6th rank in the district. A brave woman, must say. 6 animals pounced on her nonchalantly day in and day out. They were her professors. She is too strong to have crawled and found her way out.
Today she walks with pride. As she puts it, with voice, not choked: “my native had earned a blot, I wiped it off”. Her voice heard, my tears couldn’t be held back. Patan no longer remains the famous hub for weaving Patola.

Sorry state we live in. It hasn’t as yet rained here in Ahmedabad. Accursed land, by Joe!
This weekend I had taken my “aunties” who have mewed down considerably for an interesting trip around their own native land. Most of them hadn’t seen the places visited. Full on trip. The girls were never out alone. Independence and responsibility made them women. It was great to witness the baby step.

Our first stop was Step well of Adalaj, which compelled me to take an hour extra to complete my individual work. An artistic manifestation of ones creative thought. You could see the fingers laying out designs on every corner of the well. Sadly though, the well was brimming with filth all over, kurkure packets floating. Dead bats, remains of birds and then a drunkard following us. It all began from hereon.

Lothal again took all of them to a different height. They got to hear all that they had learnt in texts. They got to see all that the books showed. But now live. The sun above wasn’t leaving us alone. The dockyard ones blue had become earthy. We returned tanned!

Tired till the throat…we sought for a decent restaurant and had real great fun with my favored ones. Sarkhej Roza- the next stop. A sprawling mosque with visitors crawling all over. Sunday siesta!

Mr. Kadri guided the students with his inputs while I got hooked on to the display of another great artistic manifestation.

Alas! The reservoir, that had ones migratory birds as guests had become a grazing land! Desert stretch. This year no pouring Ma’am-, said a young fellow as I exclaimed aloud. We couldn’t save it! Disheartened we boarded our vehicle. Modi became a hot topic. There were more 'I’s' in support. Before the fight could bring in trouble for us, I intervened and suggested them to take over a project to save Sabarmati which has gone Kareena way, my poetry “Sabreena” would be able to narrate what I exactly wanted. Sidi Saeed Mosque revisited only to capture few pictures which were not very different from what the world has already seen.
                                                                      
                                                                    Sabreena

Hunched up between
the dividing brothers
silently rubbernecking,
my fate-engineered.
once a baggy Ghat
with newly-wedded brides
leaving their dreams afloat
the diyas had love tales
drafted.
Performing rites
on my reef
the priests have past their primes.
Many crowned heads
have strolled past, hand-in-hand
with their paramours
brought moon on their foreheads,
and lit candles on those eyes.
The serpentine alleys have taken me
and built teensy castles.
The tall building now
becloud me.
while I
with time
not sinking into the sands
but fermenting
in my today,
see- dry flowers, incense sticks, ashes
road-rolled by plastic sheen
giving me
a size zero.
___________________________________________________
(N.B:Rivers across the world are forced to go Kareena way, Sabarmati no exception!)

The second last stop. We were drained out. Rani nu haziro: a total disastrous visit. Amid a number of retail shops, the location had to be hunted for. The structure was no less attractive but it has become a shelter for the squatters. A huge lock at the entrance welcomed us. Cots, hanging clothes, utensils in the courtyard. A huge opening in one of the ventilated walls let my camera buzz in. There laid down a number of tombs locked up, covered with never turned shroud. Aghast! History here is a waste of space.

The other side of the glamorous expanse, Ahmedabad has far more to show than what meets the eye. The sleety lanes on the other side of the bridges, which the natives address as the old city has fables screaming aloud as you zoom past. Years needed to work on them. My eyes captured the rejection.

Wheels turn, pollution inhaled, bridges crossed. Patang Hotel guards. My girls could sniff the familiarity, the all pervasive difference between the past and the present. I want to go back, announced one of them. It was difficult for most of them to relate to what they were seeing now from their windows. A long day left behind.

Their teacher wiping away the sweat. Smile plastered, thoughts rambled on the temple.
My girls had become sensitive. Penetrating my stiffled lungs, an impossible prayer of her presence amongst my girls escaped in the gushing dust...

We were approaching Science City…




Friday, June 26, 2009

Aegis



A child in arm

nestling, for aegis

A man

bedding upon the home

draws a circle on the forehead

a line penciled, and then trots past

the woman-body moves

not beyond.

Tulsi plant tentacles

shading, hiding, patiently lending ears

Rangoli colors romance

the soul poured out in the courtyard,

as fingers snaked through.

stampede

outside the corridor, overheard

eyes wake

her long coiffure unknot,

gravid shoulder rises.



The slippers left the noise out



the door bolted behind.

##########################
p.b

n.b – the home becomes the centre point for every woman while the man sneaks out nonchalantly. She has the house to decorate, the babies to feed, none but to listen to her. Tulsi(line9): a herb; Rangoli(line 11): powder painting.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

weekend shots




Waiting for Godot: Hope someday it’ll rain. In fact it seemed that nature was playing prank with us. So be it.
Last Sunday, out of no where, an opportunity dropped into my palm. I clutched it. A visit to Surat. Well, heard of the place quite a lot. And diamond city couldn’t be missed. Though the visit was purely professional, unprofessionally I clung onto my hubby’s sleeves. So, extra luggage packed and the journey began at midnight. We were waiting for the lensman to join us at Jamalpur Darwaja (one of the 12 gates once adorned the walled city of Ahmedabad), when Mother Nature roared, causing tree-felling in some parts, thunderstorm and the shower. Wait, I didn’t to hop out of the vehicle and there I was wetting my soul. Our journey thus blessed. Throughout in the dark, droplets and lightning made it a memorable night trip.
Morning yawned in Surat. Unlike Ahmedabad, Surat appeared traffic disciplined. The famous over bridges were a treat to my lenses. Drive, was a roller-coaster... Baby thrill zoomed. On one hand the political atmosphere in Surat was pulsating; on the other I was there with a childish wallop.

Surat came calling when a minor girl was gang raped and videographed by three animals post dawn. Now, that’s nothing new. 6 such cases are registered all over the country everyday. Most go unreported! This particular case forced every media man to be in their toes. The beasts were Muslims and had cop fathers. Voila! A perfect concoction to raise the bigoted religious war cries. 2002 is after all only seven years away… A leading Gujarati daily took the predicted lines to scream “Muslim Youths raped a girl,” in its front page headline.



Rumour mills began wheeling. Stories of the girl killing herself flew around. What next? If this had a grain of truth, riot was in the making. Adhering to the tradition, a local news channel ran breaking news of the victim’s suicide, until the family came up to clear the air.


But one thing for certain, unless you have the administration backing you, you can’t cook a riot. So it was peace time… People were out for shopping, chatting, malls wide open…all the hopes of seeing Surat shutting down vaporized in the sweltering heat. The busy Bhagal bazaar with its fruits, vegetables laden market spread out for our cameras. We obliged all of them. There was thin air of unevenness, yet things just seemed to flow...

But look how an issue can trigger off violence and hatred. This was my first hand experience. In Shillong too we have gone through strikes and endless curfews, tensions and unease silence but this certainly had a different smell. My hubby kept on coaching me not to react, to stay calm while trapped in any kind of ifs. But there was a time when the unconfirmed news of the suicidal attempt reached. The woman in me just couldn’t help choking.

Some say its for power, some call it perversion, but forcing oneself on any woman is just not done… not done…. To score brownie points on a rape…? Well, Bapu must have been proud of his kids now.
Billy Graham had said which was shared with equal gusto by our own Indian author Khushwant Singh: “I think when a person is found guilty of rape, he should be castrated. That would stop him pretty quick.” I was informed while on our return journey that the animals were just two steps from where we had been. It was not leaked to me for my sudden explosions. Bobitting! Not a bad idea.
For the raped one, its either silence with the soul wounded or a lifelong journey through ever questioning eyes… did they..? were you..? was it..? how..?Yesterday a national news channel asked another gang rape victim from Delhi to describe “the course of events” on camera… TRP certainly soared. Waiting for the day when journalists ask the victims how much of fun was “the incident…”
Sigh.
Short of homicide, rape is the ultimate violation of self”-Byron R.White.
Surat seen. Diamonds lost the glitter. Thank god the event lost its spark too…
p.b

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

silence breeds...


On my way back from college, a thought rattled me. Was I being correct when I asked my students to be pokerfaced? Pre-graduate students and life to them is to chatter out all that is in their heart. Having nick named them “aunties”, continuous quacking is something I am getting accustomed to. Surprisingly though, within seconds they change their color! Tears and laughter fill in the classroom. Youthfulness relived.
 Hills everywhere put on the same look: fog followed by sunshine. That’s a thing you grow up with. If of course, you grew up in hills.
Amid the roar of the vegetable vendors, indecent cry of the horns, meandering thoughts seem to waver away. The thought, that all that you say is being marked and getting imprinted in someone’s used diary, the teacher in me shudders with fear. Hurting someone cannot be just a jest. Most practice. Scary!! Isn’t it? But then one needs to get used to it, when in a city.
 Frames get larger with experiences as we grow old. In the process we do get hurt, limp and begin to walk. That’s what we do. To our young ones, how does it suit when we are approached with queries we shoo them, saying poor you, know nothing! Many have done so.
Angularity is the prerogative of success.
Gujarat, through my bespectacled eyes is an overgrown village draped in a bollywoodic nine yards. It proudly exhibits its libertine face in malls, plazas and high-rises. Make way for yourself in the crowd and your drapings would be touched, the price would be asked. Your salary interests everyone! And mind you these are NOT personal questions here. Did we hear somebody scream privacy? Which bird is that???  So welcome yourself to the Global Indian village.
Greeting people is again one of its kinds. Utter your gods name, you are done! The lips hardly part otherwise. Access denied.  The smile vanishes ones you say or do otherwise.
Question faith and you are on your way to be the next Christ at least halfway to the Cross. Thank God nails are expensive. Well, everyone is happy to swim about in this shallow pool. Everyone is invited. Vasudhaiba Kutumbakam.. here every story ends in khadu peedu ane maja kidu (ate drank and made merry).
Look around in the most crowded corner in any road here. There has to be a food-court. Look at the man attracting all the attention, he must be a share dealer.
Food, share market, green notes…these knock out the natives.
From Harshad Mehta to Ashok Jadeja. The journey never ends. Meet the Visa Consultants. The most worshipped deities, fuelling prayers far fervent than Jadeja could ever do. English speaking coaching centers beget them. After all, speaking English lets you to be powerful. Dinosaurs Sanskrit is fossilized only to be flaunted ones in a while like a Paleolithic war tool. After all, none of the ancient languages are spoken in Pizza Hut or Café Coffee Day (CCD).
 When Ahmedabad came calling, hopes to venture out with my dream seemed fulfilling. First step to a classroom, I had to rest myself! Graduates, under graduates were mouth-shut. They had no idea about their country but aspired to take off to overseas countries! Peacock becomes the favorite animal! Thank God, buffalos haven’t flown as of now. Not as yet…
I knew I was in for more surprises than I had ever assumed. Subtracting my personal growth, I had to just encircle the pay day, collect my cheque and dissolve into the crowd-polluted city street.
Running against the tide continues…
Friends. Family. Call out. Facing same question day in and day out-when would we be back?
Fearing to pass on the dilemma and not so good experience of fazing off in a shell, silence breeds in the shelter of my body, the soul encaged.
___________________________________________________________________________________
p.b

Monday, June 1, 2009

kaala ratri


Kaal raatri,maha raatri, moharatrischa daruna…
Pulsates in my heart. MAHALAYA ploughs the soil of my soul. My wings unfurl and glide me towards my homeland. The greenery, the splashing sound of Sati falls, the silent walks across Ghora lane. Pure. Romance. Gardened by budded love.
The term kaala raatri made understood now. Its been pretty out stretched.
Heat beats the hell out of you. And this time bracketing aside north east, everywhere else in the country sun God is dispensing his wrath. Clouds are on a blissful summer break. Wonder when the vacation would be over!
I have always understood one thing about the place I live in. It is a star-crossed land. Even the rain God isn’t too sure to step in. (The state-head claims otherwise though).  Very few are chosen to perish.
We drip our sweat irrigating our lives.
Have seen and understood a lot in the 3 scores breathing period. Difficult it seemed to explain why I was a meander. Cradled in the whirlpool of thoughts: Always. Every pujo (Durga Puja-popular amongst Bengalis), the smell of the cold breeze just missed. While in the parental threshold, visiting pandals impregnated claustrophobia. Now: Well, there is just a pandal to rush to. And. I don’t feel like returning home. I love the crowd! So much has changed.
2 months prior to pujo, Bengali families would begin their shopping, just like one does before Christmas. Planning, listing out, checking out on the wallet. I did it too. Shopping spree par se was a festival before the actual three day long pujo. Display of the things bought a ritual. The chill in the air just hinted the sounds of dhaak (the drum). There was an unexplained feel of the autumn. A welcome song reverberated from the pinetops to greet mother Durga. Something smelt good. The feel. So strong.
Growing up in a vibrant locality, pujo greeted any &every one with gusto. There was this sweet smile that Maa brought along as she landed in the pandal. Friends popped out of nowhere and everywhere. Love resonated. Dhaak tintinnabulating across. An atheist too would rise up and take a step or two towards the pandal. Maa is here to visit her parents. Look at her well- coached children accompanying her.
Half a decade and a year passed. Dhak pulsates in mind now. No arati. Just a brief darshan. Clay idol. Glitterati overhauls. Munching mouth overcrowd. One doesn’t need to cook at home. Fish, chicken, egg-whatever: please order. Professional networking… a little business; pure fun of course. The fervor mashed under feet as one strolls across eyeing eateries and salivating on decked up youngies. Maa no longer seen.
Heavy heart.
Pujo ends amid everyday work. I just hold my husband, cushion my heavy heart on his. Next day back to work.  Just me and him.
We inhale. Amdabad(the natives like it this way!) air helps us cancel another day.
Every ambitious youth from every next door have left their threshold. Standing on the platform, waving at their childhood days, pain must have clouded them too.  The ever-running metro life shaving off nostalgia. Call of the belly. Remember?
 Somewhere, someone had said- ‘things get better once you give in.’
 As of now the words put to use as a good quote.

p.b

Saturday, May 23, 2009

the tunnel


Last night, a mythical creature crept into my bed. It took me in its virulent embrace, crushed my ribs and made a paste of my flesh. Liquid, I flowed out. The monster watched with disdain.
I remember the weight of the snake on my chest, its bone crushing chill. Eyes, dim. Not really doing what it was… bells rang somewhere…. Amid misty dawn it kept on crushing me until I was… I was and was not beyond that.
Close by a young priest sang a hymn.
The snake waited… destined to wait… wait and crush… crush until eternity.
Gods made a mistake and they corrected it. When Nahush fell on the earth, it was raining. After an eternity, it does not rain anymore. A blurred thin line demarcates the forest and the desert.
His vision retains the curse.
Did they look into his eyes as they drove the nail in his palms? Did father look at his children?
Back in my slumber, Nahush did not see me. He was just waiting. Weighty wait went on till the day woke up. I was no more.
Someone has stolen the balance from Yudhisthira. It would take a while before he finds his way in the forest now. For the time being, we’ll have to wait. Nahush will have to wait. And the rains…
They say Monsoon will be early this year….
At the hilltop temple, the deity for now has gone out for a dive in the sea… Radha loves pearls!!
db

Friday, May 22, 2009

never calls



Almost 3300 kms covered. Pine Hills, virgin ravines peeping and giggling from one hill to another, 17 degrees; chirpy chilly wind deafening the ears, cold yet vibrant cafĂ©’s, verses in guitars and poetry on tea cups- Shillong swarmed in life. Black and white flashback.The kites now fly overhead, covered faces, smog-clouded streets, Sabarmati flows sidelined with bollywood songs and jagraatas in the background. Patellia rules in this part of the land. 
 6 long years of waiting. Waiting to go back. Hopefully, unlike waiting for Godot... We reiterate to each other everyday when Ahmedabad bedlam wakes us up. A stroll of a peacock with his 5 queens in our backyard is the only delight. Cup of tea sipped and kick started the day..
After all its the call of the belly. And here we are. Roasting ourselves in the sweltering heat.There. Rains weary off the denizens.
The door to a chalky city unbolted... 
Opulence strikes on your face. Zooming big cars deafens the silence of the night. What was that car? A Chevrolet? A Merc? The tiny little small town girl grows up. Market is booming.Market. The all pervasive, the ultimate, the supreme. Boom! Students have evolved to compare your care with the others in the market. 200 years of Darwin… indeed!!

Nights: sweltering heat brings in chilly frozen tears. “You think too much.” “Do I?” “Do we?” By any chance can we get over with our thoughts? The nights in any case deepens, darkens our ceaseless haunting thoughts. Can nights be blacked-out?

The process of growing up in a big city- a compulsion. Conflict breeds and braids poetry. We live. Muses after all are by far the most amusing and most often the boring breeds of all human forms .Banters my husband . swallowing. 

Standing on the balcony: the only outlet for a small town woman now. The world yawns here. Emotion gets stifled. Obnoxious odor of politics insinuates the ones uncorked soul. You are in the news making mine, my dear.The incessant flow of breaking news on the background, Barkha Dutt, Prabhu Chawla...Bla bla bla never stops.T.V is all puissant, husband's soul mate after all. The keyed toy just walks in to disturb the peaceful date of the two- one the animate the other the inanimate.

Time has worn a new face. A bridal move. worry thickens. what next?
“I am a poet too.” voices out my soul. I want my writing there too. Printed.
The affinal bonding didnt just stir up my personal being, every thing connected to me rippled. My publishers address, my favourite college students, my favourite work place, my native. All have been left behind. 
Most North-Easterners believe that its good to move away from the eastern side of the country. Growth surmounts.
 PART1. PERIOD.
Does it really?
 PART2.Growth definitely has stumbled upon us. We have grown up to see different faces of our species. Ones you land in Delhi, you grow up. Up your sleeves, your visciousness in your eyes. YOU dictate. you meow, you are sold-upright. Thankfully, unlike my father who was robbed off in Delhi railway station for his sheer display of naivity, my husband called the shots through the claustrophobic Delhi streets till we boarded our train to Ahmedabad. Weeping within for having heard slangs that never travelled across my mouth, my journey to womanhood began. 
Six years have rolled on. Ahmedabad streets still alien,people still not befriended, food not yet tasted. We spend sultry evenings in our solitary trees and wait for the rain to wash off our tears. Our native never calls upon us. 



The patience of waiting is gradually fleeing somewhere amid the concrete jungle. loneliness breeds in our terrace garden. It crawls into our bed. Tears too don't roll any longer. our breath is louder than the sounds of the cricket outside, singing the song of night.
Bereft of motherly love, the two lost souls ride on the back of life trying to pull the string and manipulate the move of destiny. We look at each other and laugh out at our foolishness.
Kankaria lake opens for public view amid tight security...
pb